Was again Debopriyo's place and we began watching from the 40th minute and were surprised to see a nil-all score. The commentator was a different one from the Brazil v. Switzerland match and I liked that one more. In any case, this guy was good too but had tendency to become a droner.
The first phrase which struck me was of course regarding Spain and its tiki-taka being "intricate but unproductive" in front of the Iranian defence (tried to come up with several jokes on 'tikki' and how only a Bangaldeshi would give a 'taka' for it, but failed). It was a pleasure to hear a native English speaker say "Iran" and not "Eyeran". He used the term "Red Shirts" to refer to the Iranian players and it sent me back to the Garibaldi days. Throughout the first half the Iranians "heroically defended" against Spain conducting a "very frustrating exercise". A failed shot at the close of the "curious" first half was "as close as Spain had come" to scoring a goal.
If you thought he was biased towards the Iranians, wait for the second half. He swung to the other side faster than a BJP promise. But, before that the Extraaa Innings version of the WC had some really biased trio talking about how the Iranians had a "physical first half" (were they saying that the second half would be "psychological", "spiritual"?), how it was "all about winning" and how Iranians were indulging in "play-acting". Dude, even Ronaldo is an Ekta expert expat export.
The second half started off with a random pick from an Excel sheet which he had open regarding "100 fun FIFA facts" which he recited saying "Spain has never lost to a team from Asia". I so fucking hope they would have. Personally, seeing those white players reach the Iranian defence line and recede back, reminded me of waves breaking against the cliffs. Harmlessly falling back, but eventually wearing down. They looked like white barracudas slowly rounding up, progressing through, throwing back the red clownfish who just desperately attacked them, hoping Nemo survived. And for a while, he did. Way to rub it in, calling out that it was the failed defender's birthday. As rightly said by the commentator, Costa's goal was a "breakthrough". But later on, he did take a swipe at him. "It was a rebound. But he'll take it. As all strikers do."
He soon began stating the obvious. X might do this and Y might do that but X did this, and Y did not do that. Then of course saying how an Iranian player who represented Sweden in friendlies is now playing "not a friendly, but the real thing." Repeating the score again and again did not help. Especially after Iran was 1-0 down, and calling that disallowed goal a "massive disappointment" repeatedly. But then he had a gem which reminded me of my spirit animal, John Bercow. He called the coaches "two very animated gentlemen" and mock-played out the conversation of the second Iranian yellow card: "It's my first foul sir!" (in falsetto).
Was fun.
2 Beards/5
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